catfish19's Diaryland Diary

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Rant (why I hate job-hunting and life in general today)

I'm sunburnt and just got back an hour ago from camp followed by eating corn chips and salsa on the riverbank. Usually, this would have been enough to keep me happy until tomorrow, but I feel like crying every four minutes. For someone who has nothing to do, and who's probably the mellowest person in the world at that, I'm unbelievably stressed out right now.

For one, it turns out the amount of money I owe is much more that I expected. I mean, I've never been good at keeping track of that kind of thing, but we're talking underestimating by several thousand here. Definitely not good. It's all a huge accumulation of the remainder of my student loan and the overdraft and credit card debts from my time away. I hate to even think it, but part of me can't help but regret using so much money and having nothing to show for it but a couple of incomplete degrees and a bunch of photos. I know life's about more than money, though, and hope that the experiences will ultimately outweigh the debt thing in my memory.

Then, there's the job thing. I know I can't reasonably expect to have one a week after I get home, but I'm really desperate. I had a brainwave the other day and decided to go back to the supermarket part-time while I find a better job, and my ex-boss was definitely keen to have me back, but all the positions they had involved Sundays, which is pretty much the only thing I won't do. Which leads me to my next issue (in case you even want to know)...

I'm fully not coping with living at home and dealing with my parents. They are on my case every second we're at home together, making sure I'm not just bumming around. I adore them and totally appreciate that they're letting me live at home again without paying anything, but I wish they'd at least attempt to show that they trust me when I say I'm doing everything I can to get a job and that it's definitely not my plan to live at home forever. I think they're just trying to take an interest and be encouraging, but it's hard not to get mad when Dad's asked me at least ten times if I'm planning to get a job (what else does he think I'm going to do?). And I had a meltdown when Mum suggested I should take one of the checkout jobs and just work on Sundays. I couldn't believe she'd even suggest that, because not only does she know that's against my beliefs, but church is actually the only thing I have to look forward to consistently in my life at the moment. That might sound sad and possibly incomprehensible, but the fact is my life's not exactly a bundle of adventures now, and my church and the friends I have there are honestly amazing. Moving on...

I did have an amazing weekend at camp though.

10:28 p.m. - 2004-10-31

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