catfish19's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Blahness If I had a dollar for every person who told me today how tired I look, I would be rich. I'd be able to pay off my student loan and my overdraft and have some left over for a new pair of sunglasses. Okay, maybe I'd need ten dollars for every person. Well, actually closer to a thousand. But you get my point. I am tired. I've been working hard, cleaning hard, packing hard (haha, that one sounds a bit shady...), and sleeping hardly at all. When I stagger into bed much later than I really should, all these excited thoughts are jumping around in my head and I have to pay attention to every single one of them before I can sleep. And one thought leads to another, and another, and before I know it insomnia has reared its ugly head once again. Sometimes it's worries. Right now I'm freaked out that my grandfather will die while I'm away. I don't know what I'd do if he did - it'd cost so much to fly back home at short notice, and really I don't know what good I'd do coming back. On the other hand, I can't imagine how hard it would be to be in a strange country surrounded by people I don't know, and be grieving someone who means so much to me without my family around to reminisce with. And that's not to mention the lack of closure. Every time someone I know has died and I didn't go to see their body, it's like I couldn't really believe that the person was dead. It was more like they'd just gone away for a while, you know? If Grandad died, I'd want hard evidence. That might sound sick, but it's how I am. Obviously, I should just forget about it. Worrying does no good, I know, but it's what I do. He's sick, he's old, therefore death is a distinct possibility. That's why I look tired. A mess, if people were to put it less politely. 11:02 p.m. - 2004-05-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||