catfish19's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me and morals and my mother and more Had a deep and meaningful with my mother last night. That doesn't happen as much as it should any more - I'm too reserved and tired at the moment to really make much effort to even be nice to anyone besides the ones I have to see at work. We talked about boys. One in particular. I sometimes feel like I'm fifteen years old again, crying out for boundaries because I'm too scared to set my own. Through high school, my mother's liberal see-things-in-greyscale nature meant she didn't set anything in concrete for me. I've grown up to be like her and I mostly think it's a good way to be, but I often wish I had had curfews or rules or "you can't go to that party" ultimatums. I wish she had said "don't have sex" rather than "if you got pregnant, I'd look after the baby for you". Or "don't drink" instead of "I'll pick you up anytime you're done partying". I want excuses to not do things that I think are wrong. For some reason my just not wanting to do something never means that I won't do it. My morals are disturbingly lax. I wish Mum would tell me I shouldn't go out with a boy who doesn't believe what I do. She won't though. I hate it being up to me. 6:37 p.m. - 2005-02-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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