catfish19's Diaryland Diary

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I loved you till it killed me

Nothing ever hurts me so much as when I know somebody I love is hurting. It makes me physically ache with empathy. I want to make everything better.

I can't. She's too far away. Even if I were there, I couldn't help.

How can I fix somebody struggling with ADD, OCD and depression? What can I do for someone who experienced the worst childhood I've ever heard about? Is it possible for me to even make a dent in all that pain?

How can I make her see that she's more than okay, that she's my inspiration, that she's strong and amazing and creative and beautiful, when everything about this world tells her the exact opposite?

How can I even begin to understand what's going on in her mind, when it's now clear that what she told me about herself is only what she believed I could handle knowing?

How can a person I love so much hate what she sees in herself?

How can I miss someone so badly who I only met a few months ago? If I had the money, I would fly there in a second just to give her a hug.

I would take her sadness if I could to let her be free of it, but I don't think I could handle even a fraction of what she goes through each day.

What can I do? I hate feeling so helpless.

11:05 p.m. - 2004-11-04

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